Dating turmoil

It's nice to be reminded every once in a while of the highs and lows of dating. When I wasn't really looking, I met a great girl, older, soft butch, smart and honest and sweet. I liked her a lot, and we were hot and heavy for just under a month. She dumped me because she's fallen for someone else. Me, I got my heart broken, just a little. I'll bounce back quickly, but in the meantime, I was reminded of all the sweet things about having someone. Kissing and cuddling can be so addtictive, not to mention the sex, which was great because it was intimate and passionate and comfortable all at the same time. I trusted her and felt I could open up to her without protecting my heart in a way I haven't done in a long time. In the process, I got hurt, but I learned a lot. I learned that when someone likes you it can be magical (she thought I was really seductive, which was a fabulous ego boost for me). I learned a little about my own sexual power and what it means to use it. I remembered that, after dating mostly transmen since I've been here in LA, there's something wonderful and special and different about dating a woman who's just a little bit butch, but open and comfortable in her female body. I love all of the boys and really masculine women that I've dated, but it was nice to find someone who appreciated my take on femininity without the body issues and minefields associated with female masculinity. It took me a while to warm up to being free to touch where I wanted, but it was a good feeling. And, while it lasted, I felt loved and wanted and feminine and confident in a way that I haven't felt in a long time. That, too, was wonderful and I'm sad to lose it.

Excerpts from Anne Sexton's "For My Lover, Returning Home to His Wife" for MP

Let's face it, I have been momentary.
A luxury. A bright red sloop in the harbor.
My hair rising like smoke from the car window.
Littleneck clams out of season.

She is more than that. She is your have to have...

She is solid.

As for me, I am a watercolor.
I wash off.